Partial Retraction HD

Got my mitts on Earthworm Jim HD yesterday, and I'm happy to report it isn't quite the mess I predicted. It's not perfect: to the best of my knowledge neither the Mega Drive nor the SNES version is lurking away in any partitioned vault section, the music remix stresses anonymous, a secret stage has been removed, and Jim's playmobil pistol doesn't register as a death spewing hate machine anymore. Those issues aside there is much to like. Gameloft have woven in elements from the Mega CD Special Edition, finally allowing (relatively) unspoiled children to sample Shiny's original do-over. The Mega Drive exclusive Intestinal Distress level is in, and the additional stages loudly trumpeted by the trail are tucked away as bonus content in the main menu. Phew! In all Earthworm Jim HD is a successful reheat of a 16-Bit classic, it reintroduces you to all the things that made Dave Perry's platformer special, the playful structure, the joke bosses and nob-joke sound effects. 16-Bit Earthworm Jim took a skit sketch approach to platformer aesthetics. Levels were short and snappy and usually ended on a gag of some sort. This is the same. Earthworm Jim 2 now please!

"4-PLAYER CO-OP!"

Other mediums have it good, or at least better. For the most part, when films and albums get remastered the original elements are simply buffed and cleaned. If they're lucky they might even get centre-pieced in a box-set full of relevant off-cuts and documentary material. This process isn't perfect, modern foley has fouled up many a recent film re-release, but there's an underlying respect for the original work.

What happens to vintage games? They get turned over to third parties to be yanked apart and put back together in a form that pleases the idea of a modern consumer. It's not so much that this HD reissue of Earthworm Jim is bad, it's that it disregards aspects central to the original game's appeal. Seeing fluid, cartoon like animation running on the Mega Drive was a considerable boon in 1994, it defied the accepted limitations of the system. That's what made Earthworm Jim special. What we're seeing here is just a re-drawn approximation of those 16-bit assets. You don't re-shoot films for a Blu-Ray anniversary release do you? The introduction of new stages - including Keyboard Cat? - is a bit of a cheek too. I've never heard of contemporary sound engineers creating entirely new tracks to be roughly sown back into a classic album. Who would want that? Why should this be any different?

Remaster squads should be custodians, not creators. Above all though, there should be choice. If properties really do have to be tinkered with, at least give the audience the opportunity to have the lo-fi experience. Tuck it away somewhere in the package. Some people want the pixellated 16-bit mess, or the dull Mono soundtrack. Limitations, even outright mistakes, have value. Don't destroy them.