Sunday, 24 May 2009

Apprentice the Fifth

He finally went. Gordon Gekko's chubbly little toddler is out. Apprentice evictee Ben Clarke even did a frustrated little couch punch after exiting. He dearly wanted it! I'm skipping ahead: this week's challenge saw King Alan dole out teams to parents Lorraine and James. The leaders needed to have kids, 'cos they was selling baby stuff see? It had nothing to do with either's rather iffy reputation. No sir! Lorraine got Howard the underexposed, and Kate Ting Ting. James found himself heading up Yasmina Friend Stabber, Dastardly Debra and VietBen.

Before setting up shop at a Baby trade show thingy, the teams needed to pick product. James' team opted for a very deep paddling pool, and Captain Dashing Swift's patented contrabulated fantabulated Horse shaped kid rocker. The latter a snip at ten million billion pounds. Lorraine homed in on an M branch collapsible pram, and a silence hat for babies. Oh they said it protected their noggins, but all I saw was big Velcro claps swamping earholes. Issue them at snip, and you'll be raising a generation of fearless hawk-eyed nutters. Head banging is basic cause and effect teaching! Don't take it away! Thankfully, no-one chose the baby sized high-heels. Cute? Abuse, more like.

Unfortunately for Lorraine she hadn't haggled down a trade price for her wondrous capsule pram. Curses! She was stuck selling it £35 dearer than cannier stalls. Unfortunately for James, no-one at the show was an extravagant millionaire. The Rocking Horse sat there gathering contempt. Debra, desperate to justify her horsey enthusiasm, gave the hard sell to anyone who strayed anywhere near the stall. No-one bit. Boardroom! Despite being chronically undersold Lorraine sailed to victory. As a reward, she got to meet Gerald Scarfe, who drew each of her team as repulsive feature faces. I'm very jealous indeed. James brought back Ben and Equine enthusiast Debra. Despite James' assurance that he'd have brought Debra in twice, King Alan dumps Ben. But not before he's told us for the millionth billionth time that he got a scholarship to Sandhurst (but didn't go). Bye Ben!

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