A5: The Mighty Ducks

Rebrand Margate! This seaside town could do with a lick of London think-paint, so King Alan's dispatched his interviewees to have a themselves a spruce. Howard attempted a little backbone, putting himself forward as team lead for Team Empire, but Debra was having none of it. None. Howard was already on to a loser when he started to pitch himself to Debra. She's not the boss! What she thinks doesn't matter! She's bamboozled you with thin lips and icy stares Howard. Stare back! She's not that tall. Team structured, James suggests pitching to the gay market, they are most rich! Mona is apprehensive. She lives near Kent, and doesn't know any gay people. This means she is poisonously homophobic. We will all wince whenever she does anything now. It's 2009! Nobody anywhere is allowed to misunderstand anything.

Over at Ignitesville, Yasmina has breezed into Captaincy with ease. Full backing! She's had a think and family is where it's at. A novel approach, I think. I'm sure all of Margate are kicking themselves for missing that trick. The brutalised loner pound is looking a bit slim by comparison. What were they thinking? Floating around in self-appointed Lieutenancy is Lorraine. Poor Lorraine. She has some good points, but she can't help being rather patronising. She can make: "Good idea! Well done." sound like "You're a right thick twat aren't you? Fucken CARRYING you, I am." A text heavy poster campaign is assembled. It's a bit Haven / "So, you're returning to work?" leaflet. No matter how doctor's waiting room Ignite's effort looks, it can't hold a candle to Empire's ad campaign. Empire have gone for reception class chic: lots of floating photos on drab big-card backgrounds, with a comic-sans alike font. Exciting! I bet they put some glitter on too! Margate's assembled dignitary were not impressed. Neither team had come up with anything groundbreaking. Wasn't their nebulous rebranding request oblique enough? They wanted to be wowed! But they're just not sure what by.

Boardroom! Debra's team are sunk. Their leaflets had blank bits. King Alan wants to know why Empire's pitch was so rubbish. All signs point to Debra's squinting belligerence, but Mona goes anyway. She's been coasting. Except, you know, last week were she sold ice to Eskimos. Something else next week!