Phew. Michael went then. Thank you Jesus. I was a bit worried there. Judging by his briefed-into-compliance mumble state on the You're Fired! follow-up show it's unlikely we'll be seeing him standing triumphantly over a broken, fading King Alan (perhaps with his foot gently pressing on his throat?). He was a fawning shadow of his former internal assault-man self. Laughing and joking like he wasn't really a badgering stalk-psycho. No means no Michael.
He's gone. Much high-fiving in my company last night. Hand's still throbbing. He's gone! Just in the nick of time too - the interview stage carries itself, it's basically just a series of antagonistic plain-sense wind-ups. No need for colourful little anger trolls there. Judging by next-weeks promo teaser though, blank faced harridan Helene fills that particular niche anyway. She's hurling the 'How To Interview' book out the window! "I'm not used to working with 15 gobshites" or words to that effect. I have been strongly discouraged from saying such things by several interview technique books! Helene is gangster.
Who's left then?
Claire's still there. I'd like to see her place in the final. She's had an actual narrative arc over the series. It's astonishing stuff! Starting off mouthy and abrasive, she's matured into a quiet little closer-troop. I've said it before, but he's Ruth Badger 2.0. The rebuilt shiny Galvatron to Badger's dimmed but punchy Megatron. I watched Transformers The Movie the other day. I'm listening to Vince DiCola's midi grunt space score right now. I particularly like the Unicron bits: Transformation in particular. What's this got to do with The Apprentice? Nothing.
Claire is boss. So is..
Lucinda. Quietly confident, but tarred and feathered as a moaner. Her esoteric boardroom waffle seems to be grating on King Alan. It's not fair! Lucinda has done that which basically no previous Apprentice candidate has done: run a successful team with minimal fuss, and maximum efficiency. Her sales shill may not be anything to scream about, but doesn't innate and confident leadership count for anything? I'd like a Claire vs Lucinda finale, even if that'd probably spell doom for Lucinda.
Preen doll Alex is hanging in. The ladies love him. Unfortunately, he closed £8000 worth of deals this week. The kind of last-minute oomph usually ascribed to back-of-the-pack shoe-ins. Hope he doesn't get it. His frothing lad-mag anti-man attitude gives me hives. All he's demonstrated is an ability to dodge decision making, and flirt. Except, you know, that monstrous haul this week. Curses! You've gone and added a second dimension to his character BBC! What'll I do now? I'll be thinking of the candidates as really human beings next! God.
Helene is exactly as blunt and miserable as troll. A troll that lives under a bridge. She was the mean monotone executor to Red Jenny's wicked winsome witch. She looks like a grim mob enforcer. With any luck she'll top her gobshites quote with some ferocious interview torture. Leap the desk! Bend their fingers! Bend them 'til they snap! You can win Helene! Smash them all. Helene looked shaky this week. I reckon she might do a Lohit next week and get dumped immediately. Who knows?
Last is Lee. I like Lee one minute then think he's a bell the next. I like his utter lack of ego. He vomits ideas 'til some shit sticks. I disliked him hectoring and verbally assaulting that girl with the big eyes. That was mean. He treated Lucinda as a particularly odious turd this week too, sending her off on some nonsense task, then doing anti-logic loops when she asked for direction.
Who do you want to win?