Monday, 1 June 2009

Apprentice Reloaded

Week 10. The QVC (or cheapest near equivalent) task! In order to accurately judge each of the candidates big-business acumen, King Alan tosses them onto live television, their task? To mumble and fumble in front of an audience of literally tens of people. Watching this Ideal Home faff, it struck me: doesn't some enterprising sort keep a beady eye on home shopping schedules for signs of quiz show contestants? Couldn't these fading weeks candidates have been plastered all over the internets ages ago? Why doesn't anyone care enough to do that?

This column is so late, I shan't even keep up a pretence of unfolding action. Kate strummed. James and Yasmina formed a squabble-comedy duo. Lorraine offended. Debra sold. Howard went. We all know. I'm rather happy with the result, not because I hold any sort of peculiar grudge against Howard, but because all my extra special favs have made it to the interviews round! It's just the best task. Weeks and week of frothing boast bullshit neatly poleaxed by a gaggle of grumpy management men. I'm giddy. Ideally, the final throw down would be between James, Yasmina and Debra.

James spent the early weeks as an ego stroke ire target. James had made the fatal error of not acting like a total lizard. Instead, he cracked a few jokes and had a few brain-fuzz outbursts. The other males thus marked him as subnormal. Thankfully, James has buried the lot. Yasmina had the good grace to cut through all the pally-pally nonsense, stating as much minutes after she sunk her new bestest friend Paula in the boardroom. Also! Her general demeanour is that of a no-nonsense equaliser. Mess with her and she'll chuck you in a canal. Finally, Debra, a whip-thin howitzer of bellowing belligerence. She'll lead every week. She wants to do everything. You're just fucking it up for her.


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