Call of DudeBro

Beachhead studio's addition to the Call of Duty franchise detailed in this astoundingly obnoxious 7 minute shill. Ladies and gentlemen, Call of Duty Elite. I'm really not sure who this info burp is supposed to appeal to. It seems to have been made by a company that utterly detests its customers, but wants to play like they're pals. A curious proposition since this trail basically announces an entirely invented way to make us, the consumer, slightly poorer. We're all idiots desperate to drop coin at the mere whiff of Stan Bush pop-trash apparently. There's zero indication of what will be free and what will be paid content other than further toady assurances in the attendant paperwork that standard multiplayer will still be free. Free, as in you've already paid retail for the game, and possibly an online subscription fee for your platform.

On-message white noise aside, Elite also seems to be selling on a whole slew of functionality already available in Call of Duty: Black Ops, listing it off in an excited bro voice as if it's all wonderfully new. Heat-maps? Render exports to YouTube? Don't we already have all of that? Explicit strategy guides are new, but how worthwhile would such ubiquitously circulated game plans be? Will they be ruthlessly updated? What can this offer over a quick peruse of GameFAQs or DenKirson's latest graphs and charts? The push on community and matchmaking services is a trifle bizarre too. Yes, in theory it would be nice to play with someone who isn't going to scream racial epitaphs down my ear, but that's a secondary concern to finding a host that doesn't lag me out, something that has already theoretically been taken care of by location filtering on match search results. I say theoretically, because it hasn't.

If Activision really wanted to present a worthwhile function to build a new revenue stream around, there's nothing the Call of Duty series needs more than greater netcode stability, be that under-the-hood tinkering or dedicated servers. Black Ops, in particular, suffers in this regard. You've probably found yourself unconsciously adapting to that title's total imprecision by spraying at your target in small, circular motions rather than straight blasts. In Black Ops you often have to account for where you target may soon be as much as where he is now. But, you know, forget all that, we have statistics! Drop-down menus! I bet you can't wait to give us more money!

Rumours are drifting around about bulletin map updates, rather than larger DLC dumps, with your subscription fee netting you a new arena every month or so. Interesting in theory, but where's the industry to feed this insatiable increment juggernaut? Presumably, Treyarch are now hard at work on Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 to meet their mandated November 2012 release date. Raven Software, the usual map pack team, are knuckling down on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3's online component, as well as the next James Bond studio sinker. Even if they both have teams hard at work, will they be producing work that justifies the level of investment Activision are expecting? If maps are being doled out on a monthly basis does that mean we can expect more 'classic' maps, repurposed from older titles? What happens to our subscription stages when the new Call of Duty title is released? It's incredibly unlikely Black Ops authored stages will be compatible with Modern Warfare 3.

You get a sense that this isn't a trailer designed to appeal to any consumer that actually plays Call of Duty games. Instead it's a camouflage fist-bump reel designed to get Activision shareholders frothy at the idea of extra spends coming their way. In closing, it's also worth pointing out that the everyman twonk hammering on throughout this piece doesn't even kill the chap with the RPG at the end of his slow-mo gameplay clip. There's still a red target report even after all that useless helicopter strafing, and the car exploding. How's that for attention to detail?

Interested parties can sign up for the Call of Duty Elite beta here.