BARBARIAN 3D

Conan the Barbarian 3D gets an unfathomable anti-action teaser trail, backed by some brawny Viking-Man percussion, and the now standard Inception prowl sound. Don't bother showing us any of the film! We like wasting our time looking at a minute and change of swirling smoke patterns! As a statement of purpose, it's nice that the filmmakers are confident enough to sell on an idea of epic, but Disaster Year can't help but feel that just ten seconds of the new Cimmerian expertly demolishing an opponent would be preferable. At least that would've helped allay the very real fear that this mascaraed up good-looker ain't fit to starch Schwarzenegger's jockstrap. Just saying!